We Are The Very Thing We Do When We Think We'll Never Get Caught.

I love how the watercolor bleeds in place of the voice that cannot be heard

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Dear C.

Dear C.,

It's funny how much I love and hate you at the same time

You greeted me a mere 17 year old

Eager to explore the unknown and the new

While I was too busy making acquaintances I barely noticed you

But you were watching me, always have been, still are

As paths crossed and ties grew deeper you became more foreground than background

You reminded of things I wanted to remember, and things I didn't want to

Dear C.,

I resent the days and nights you used to haunt me

Or rather taunt me

When you reminded me of how fragile things are

Or how ephemeral we all really are

You've witnessed me at ends wit fighting for a losing battle

You've watched me learn things the hard way

You've seen heartbreaks and remorse

But you've also seen the jovial heart of a youth smiling against all odds

And most importantly, you've watched a tiny sprout blossom, a process that is never-ending

Dear C.,

When I was at loss I cursed you and despised you

You were like a big yellow post-it stuck to my forehead that I couldn't get rid of

And yet when the nights are cold and the world is out of whack you seem to be a silent comfort

Telling me it's not really that bad as I sip warm tea watching you by the balcony;

Reminding me that change is constant; it may or may not be obvious but given the time and space, change is felt

Dear C.,

Although you may never be as grand as dusk by the sea, it's not that you are any less worthy

You are just different

And that makes you, YOU

And sometimes that takes looking at you in a different angle

An angle free of judgement, assumptions, and expectations

Thank you, for although many earthly things are not as durable, I know you are--despite the many changes etched in the sky

xOxO

p/s: remember how you were at the age of 20? how much has changed since then?

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

Just a little something to share...

I stumbled upon this little spiral bound today while looking for a lighter (no, I don't smoke. Mind you, it was for lighting an incense!). Anyway I think it's been more than a year since I skimmed through the pages of this little book. It holds a lot of memories of people I once got to know from a 3 month national service camp... :) These were a couple of the quote filled pages I made before I knew of my 3 month voyage that would change my life forever.

Hope you dears have a wonderful week ahead!

xOxO

Emotional Rehab.

What are you running from? ...Or to?

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Hello. I am still alive. My blog is not so.

I've been running. Running from myself. To myself. And for myself. I'm tired. So much fills this little head of mine. There's so much and yet nothing to say. I've been looking hard at the person in the mirror. Some days I haven't the courage to face her. Some dreams die. And so new ones are born... But right now it is quite dark. Fumbling my way through unfamiliar territory requires me to abandon all familiar ways of navigating and handling. But letting go isn't always easy. And yet there is pain in growth too sometimes. I am humbled. I am re-learning to trust in my steps. Finding the light at the end of the tunnel. Let me do this a step at a time.

I am recovering. Slowly but surely. Don't rush me.

If you're wondering what recovery I'm talking about, it's spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I'm sure we all go through this from time to time in our lives. Right now, this is where I am.

Is there anything in your life that needs healing right now?

xOxO