We Are The Very Thing We Do When We Think We'll Never Get Caught.

I love how the watercolor bleeds in place of the voice that cannot be heard

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Dear C.

Dear C.,

It's funny how much I love and hate you at the same time

You greeted me a mere 17 year old

Eager to explore the unknown and the new

While I was too busy making acquaintances I barely noticed you

But you were watching me, always have been, still are

As paths crossed and ties grew deeper you became more foreground than background

You reminded of things I wanted to remember, and things I didn't want to

Dear C.,

I resent the days and nights you used to haunt me

Or rather taunt me

When you reminded me of how fragile things are

Or how ephemeral we all really are

You've witnessed me at ends wit fighting for a losing battle

You've watched me learn things the hard way

You've seen heartbreaks and remorse

But you've also seen the jovial heart of a youth smiling against all odds

And most importantly, you've watched a tiny sprout blossom, a process that is never-ending

Dear C.,

When I was at loss I cursed you and despised you

You were like a big yellow post-it stuck to my forehead that I couldn't get rid of

And yet when the nights are cold and the world is out of whack you seem to be a silent comfort

Telling me it's not really that bad as I sip warm tea watching you by the balcony;

Reminding me that change is constant; it may or may not be obvious but given the time and space, change is felt

Dear C.,

Although you may never be as grand as dusk by the sea, it's not that you are any less worthy

You are just different

And that makes you, YOU

And sometimes that takes looking at you in a different angle

An angle free of judgement, assumptions, and expectations

Thank you, for although many earthly things are not as durable, I know you are--despite the many changes etched in the sky

xOxO

p/s: remember how you were at the age of 20? how much has changed since then?

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

Just a little something to share...

I stumbled upon this little spiral bound today while looking for a lighter (no, I don't smoke. Mind you, it was for lighting an incense!). Anyway I think it's been more than a year since I skimmed through the pages of this little book. It holds a lot of memories of people I once got to know from a 3 month national service camp... :) These were a couple of the quote filled pages I made before I knew of my 3 month voyage that would change my life forever.

Hope you dears have a wonderful week ahead!

xOxO

Emotional Rehab.

What are you running from? ...Or to?

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Hello. I am still alive. My blog is not so.

I've been running. Running from myself. To myself. And for myself. I'm tired. So much fills this little head of mine. There's so much and yet nothing to say. I've been looking hard at the person in the mirror. Some days I haven't the courage to face her. Some dreams die. And so new ones are born... But right now it is quite dark. Fumbling my way through unfamiliar territory requires me to abandon all familiar ways of navigating and handling. But letting go isn't always easy. And yet there is pain in growth too sometimes. I am humbled. I am re-learning to trust in my steps. Finding the light at the end of the tunnel. Let me do this a step at a time.

I am recovering. Slowly but surely. Don't rush me.

If you're wondering what recovery I'm talking about, it's spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I'm sure we all go through this from time to time in our lives. Right now, this is where I am.

Is there anything in your life that needs healing right now?

xOxO

This Thing That Makes The World Go Round.

Your heart is beating so fast you're high from overbreathing


The sight of her sends you to zero gravity. You seem to be moving forward but you can't feel your feet.
Omg. She's getting closer! (Or am I?) What's going on why can't I feel my feet!?!


The sight of him is like the birth of a million stars in your soul
Is he really walking towards me?? He's not even close and I'm already on cloud nine..!! Wishes do come true!


This is my chance. Here goes everything... !!


Wait!! What if she says no??? %$#@$% ...Too late!


*Untranslatable*

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xOxO

Growth That Can't Be Seen Is Still Growth.

A shot of yesterday morning's clear blue sky. The exact opposite of what I felt when I woke up this morning. For the first time since I began the first day of the year, I rebelled against myself and woke up much later than usual. I tossed and turned in bed the night before carrying with me the weight of the world to sleep. I was overwhelmed merely by the thought of the many tasks I need to start tackling in the coming weeks. I woke up suddenly at 9am when I thought I heard someone call my name from outside. At that moment I knew I was alone at home. So I was on guard at a millisecond upon disconnecting from dreamland. I peered out the window. No one. Not a soul. I sat up in bed replaying the memory of sound I thought I had heard. I dismissed it as part of my dream. Hmm.

I'm feeling much better now after starting the day with a pleasant breakfast and a good book to read. Sometimes you do lose sight of what's important. Now and then I'd take a step back and remind myself that I have come a long way. It's so easy to forget that once upon a time you would've given everything to be where you stand today. Instead of being grateful we often torment ourselves and think about the next thing we don't yet have. It'll just be like passing life by if we don't stop every now and then to appreciate how much we've grown.

Some growths are not immediately visible to our eyes. Although I'm the kind of person who "knows" that Rome wasn't built in a day, there are times when not seeing immediate results can be really discouraging. This is perhaps something I need to remind myself every day, that instead of worrying about the end results I should just focus on what I can put into each day. Every day. A step at a time.

A neighbor's pup. Isn't he a cutey? :)

Hope your week is going well!

xOxO

The Courage To Be Imperfect.

Here are some snaps of the past week. Although I'd have to say this week itself is coming to an end. I've been procrastinating on this update. So much has been going on. Internally and outwardly.

It's been raining this past 5 days. The air is cold and a little more salty. The sound of raindrops fall like sacred prayers. Senses are a little more heightened. Little things that go unnoticed are suddenly in the foreground. It's like bullet time. Now and then it's like slipping into the invisible world that's every bit as significant as the one we can touch and see.

Most evenings I'd go for a walk with either sibling to catch the sunset. Those moments feel so fragile. At every second colors are changing, clouds are becoming, and the light cast on the ocean canvas is constantly in motion. The sun sinks at a rapid pace that you can only catch when you blink your eyes. It leaves in a grand exit. And as if the universe could tell exactly what it is you're feeling, the sky is filled with colors that paint that feeling you could never quite put into words.

I remembered a time when I used to refer to my cousins and sibs as the happy-little-people. During badminton weekends they used to be running around outside playing their own games while the adults had their badminton matches in the hall. We (yes, I would join them sometimes...as the leader!) would play "What Is The Time Mr. Wolf?" and "Mama Ayam"... That was years ago. Today they're all indoors sparing with the adults and looking less and less like the little bunch who used to look up to me (literally.lol)

Sigh. Sometimes I just can't help it.

Hope you dears have a splendid weekend ahead!

xOxO

Dusk.

There's room yet to grow

There's time yet to heal

Today. I took my camera out to catch the fast fading light of dusk. I love these moments.

When the sun sets the bats fly aimlessly about as if dusk were a magical transition into the night.

This shot was taken in the last week of 2009 :)

Have a super week ahead!

xOxO

Happy New Year 2010.

It's not 'either, or'.

What seems like it is doesn't always appear to be.

I hope you dears had a great New Year's celebration :)) Happy New Year 2010!! It was a full moon that night :)

xOxO

There's No Rush. Hush Hush.

Photos from an outing with the sibs and cousins few days ago :)

Yesterday my baby sis and I attempted to fly a 15minute-homemade kite. It never made it to the sky :( But it was hilarious. I felt like a kid again. Lil' bro was there to support us with more laughter. Tee-hee. The kite fell into the sea and got soaked. Aahh but all the laughing made up for the failed attempt! We're gonna try again tomorrow. Maybe. Whee :)

p/s: There's gonna be a lot of photo log posts for a while. Still a bit caught up with some errands. I'll manage a few art posts as soon as I can!

xOxO

Christmas & Shooting Stars.

Hello :)

I hope you dears had a lovely Christmas!

I finally get to take a break today from all the busy-buzzy-ness of the past week. But this final week of 2009 seems to be quite packed as well. Huhu. Well today I finally have the time to post an update. Hee.

Christmas was a small gathering at my grandparent's this year. Something we haven't done in a looong time. It was nonetheless merry even though there wasn't the annual planned activities. We had guitars and aspiring singers (ahem!) singing oldies and carols. A scrumptious meal. And loads of whimsical laughter. The cousins and I even managed an hour of stargazing. We saw two shooting stars! Hee.

On Christmas morning we (a family troop of eleven) had a small hike to Aki and Nina's fruit orchard to hunt for some tarap, durian, and rambutans! Fresh fresh mountain air~ :)

Later that late afternoon we did some cycling rounds. It was sooo fun! I haven't cycled in ages...! We left that night then left again at 5am the next morning for another 2 hour ride to a wedding... Well that's all for now. Will continue again in the next post! In the meantime here are just a few snaps taken at the grandparents :)

Have a gorgeous week peeps!

xOxO

Merry Christmas!

Hello me lovelies!

This is going to be a quick post. I'm about to leave on a 2 hour drive back to my grandparent's place with the family...!

Just wanted to wish all of you A Merry Merry Christmas!!! Happy holidays my dears! Hope y'all have a SUPERIFFIC time!

Thank you for dropping by and leaving such lovely comments! This week I'm super busy so forgive me if I can't reply... Once again I wish you all a grand and lovely time~!

much love,

xOxO

That Imperfect Circle.

Every artist knows those moments where love runs through each stroke of the brush.

xOxO

Making Pancakes Are Therapeutic.

Well for me at least :)

Few weeks ago I suddenly had the urge to make pancakes after being struck by a lovely memory of the good ol' morning breakfasts I had back home. I have always been a breakfast person. I love it when I can take my sweet time to enjoy the first meal of the day. Especially when the sunlight is still shy and the air still lingers with a little midnight chill. Breakfast is a ritual. When I'm not in a rush that is.

Lately I found that this pancake making thing has been quite therapeutic. I don't know why but there's a jolly beat in my heart and I'm practically humming my way through pancake flips! Haha.

OK, so this may not be the prettiest pancake you've ever seen, but it was still yummy!

Honey, is ESSENTIAL!

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Dear lovelies,

I know I said I'll be posting lotsa updates once I was done with the projects and all. But obviously there hasn't been much of an update going on. I still had lots to do it seems and even more so now since Christmas is just around the corner! I will be flying back soon (!) so perhaps you can expect some holiday updates....hmhm. I'm currently going through a tough period right now... but I'm determined not to let this crush me. I've got no where else to go but forward. Pray for me, dears! Anyway, thank you for dropping by :) Please keep checking for updates ^o^

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This morning I enjoyed my cup of green tea with toast and some cookies. At the last sip I was about to open my blog when I hit the wrong link. I was directed to my old blog. I let the page load and that's when I noticed this comment:

I know it's silly but it made me laugh. Tee-hee. Perhaps it was the green tea kicking in. What a nice way to start the day :)

xOxO